


Getting the hang of it

by kleineanna



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Hogwarts Era, Humor, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-04-07 22:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 11,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19094251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kleineanna/pseuds/kleineanna
Summary: So, here's 30 short conversations between different characters, set in the Hogwarts and post-Hogwarts era. Each story explores differences between the wizard and Muggle world or other  things I've wondered about.The stories were written to celebrate my little brother's 30th birthday (happy birthday bro!) and each chapter title is a word that describes him somehow. Whether the stories themselves reflect on him, I'll leave up to your discretion...Oh, and if you like a game, you can try to guess which characters are in each story. In some cases it's pretty obvious, in some cases not so much. The answer is in the end-notes of each chapter.





	1. Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Since these stories were written for my own little brother, of course this one had to be the first he got. So, happy birthday bro, and many great years to come. I hope you have fun with these little snippets.

"Gin?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Funny. Can I?"

"Sure, as long as you don't wake up Lily. I just got her to sleep."

"Erm, ok. What's it like, having a brother?"

"What? Ron, you realise you have five brothers, don't you?"

"Yeah, but you're a girl."

"So?"

"So, I wanted to know what it's like for a girl to have a brother."

"I wouldn't know what it's like to have a brother. I have six!"

"Funny. Come on, you know what I mean."

"Ok, fine. It's like… sheesh, I'm too tired for this discussion. Well, it depends on the kind of brother. In general they're just… loud. And smelly. And they get in the way. They break your stuff, they make endless fun of you and generally think you're some kind of weird alien. And they think you cannot do anything cool, meaning anything that they are into, just because you're a girl."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. But…"

"But what?"

"But they, brothers I mean, can be really cool too. Funny, even when they don't mean to be. Protective, even when it's not necessary. Kind, usually when you least expect it. And, especially if you have six brothers, like me, there's usually one of them around to help you with all kinds of things. Homework. Chores. Or simply getting something from the top shelf."

"So, it's good for a girl to have a brother?"

"I'd say they're a mixed blessing. Both the very best and the very worst thing that can happen to a little girl."

"Oh, ok. Well. I guess it's good for a brother to have a sister too. Even if they are too smart for their own good."

"Thanks, I think? Why'd you want to know, anyway?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well, erm… in a few months' time apparently a brother is going to happen to my little girl."

 

_Of course Ginny's excited squeals were soon joined by little Lily's much less excited ones. But then, Lily already knew what it was to have a brother._


	2. DIY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In remembrance of my grandfather, whose birthday is June 5th, and who was amazing at all things that involved building.

* * *

“Ron?”

“…Yeah?”

“Erm… no, never mind.”

“What?”

“No, really, it’s just a weird question anyway.”

“Come on, mate, now you’ve woken me up already. So seriously, what?”

“Well… ok, so this is just a weird fluke, right. A completely inconsequential curiosity.”

“Mate. Spit it out already!”

“Well… I was just thinking…erm… well, wondering… erm… who does the DIY at your house?”

“The dee eye what-now?”

“DIY, do-it-yourself. Like… housework you know. Fixing the sink, repairing the gutter, painting the doors, that kind of thing.”

“Painting the… Harry, what are you talking about?”

“Well… you remember how I told you my uncle works for a company that makes drills, right? Machines that make holes in walls so that you can hang stuff up and things like that? So… I always thought it was ironic that uncle Vernon himself is actually rubbish at using a power drill, or any other DIY-stuff. That’s why I usually… Anyway, the only time I saw him pick up a hammer, was to nail the letterbox shut so my Hogwarts letter couldn’t be delivered.”

“That wouldn’t have worked. As if owls would be stopped by nailed shut letterboxes!”

“Oh, I know. Trust me, I know. But that was not my point.”

“Then what is, Harry? I want to go back to sleep!”

“Yeah, ok, sorry. Well, clearly, there’s buildings in the wizarding world. And those needed to be built, and maintained and stuff. Even here at Hogwarts, I mean, someone must have hung all the paintings! But I just can’t imagine Filch going around with a power drill… So, yeah, I was just wondering what wizard DIY looks like… like what tools are used and things like that.”

“Sheesh, the things your mind comes up with! What tools…?”

“I told you it was a weird question.”

“Yeah, it’s weird alright. But well, DIY, was it? Not sure it actually exists like that with wizards. I mean, why have a driller…”

“Power drill.”

“… yeah, drill, if you have a wand? I’ve seen my dad paint doors and that was just a matter of using the right spell and being precise in the pronunciation of your desired paint colour. I mean, there’re nutters …erm… well, people like my dad, who love what they called tinkering, but that’s usually more of a hobby.”

“Oh. Right. Of course.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’. That’s it now? You can sleep?”

“Yeah. Erm… thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Night!”

“Yeah. Night.”

 

_Fifteen minutes later: “Erm, Ron? What about gardening?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry and Ron  
> Next up: WW II


	3. WW II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, June 6, 2019, marks the 75-year anniversary of D-Day. So, in a way this story commemorates all those who fought at those beaches to end that terrible war.  
> The story itself was written on the previous May 4 and 5, which are the days on which the Netherlands remember the victims of the Second World war and all wars and peace missions since, and celebrate that we’re now free.

* * *

“What are you reading now, Hermione?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Don’t tell me you’re still doing homework!”

“What? No, no homework. Not really.”

“How can something be ‘not really’ homework? And… wait, that looks like a Muggle book. Is that a Muggle book?”

"Harry… just leave me to it, please.”

“Why are you reading a Muggle book? And… is that about the Second World War? Why are you reading about the Second World War?”

“Why not? You know I read, Harry.”

“Yeah, but why are you doing ‘not quite homework’ about the Second World War? Now? Here?”

“Why would the place where I read be an issue?”

“I just figured you’d read your way through the Hogwarts library first, I guess. Wait… you haven’t already, have you?”

“No, of course not! The Restricted Section alone…”

“Then… why?”

“Oh, alright. You, erm, you remember when Malfoy called me a mudblood?”

“Of course! I won’t forget about that any time soon!”

“Yes. Well… So, after Ron explained what it meant, I wanted to know where the word came from. And, erm, I was researching in the library, and Anthony Goldstein was there, and he said…”

“Anthony? He’s a Ravenclaw, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s not why… Did you know that he’s Jewish?”

“Uh, no I didn’t. Why does it matter if he’s Jewish?”

“Well, you know how the Jewish were persecuted during the Second World War, right? So, Anthony knew a lot about that and he mentioned that the Second World War was pretty much at the same time as the war against Grindelwald, which I’d not realised before. So, now…”

“…so now you’re reading all about it, to find out if both wars were connected.”

“Yes. And if there’s a connection between the persecution of the Jews and of erm, half-blood wizards. You’ll think it’s stupid, but…”

“No! Not at all. I think you might be onto something here. It’s really interesting. Can I help?”

“Really? Erm…, ok, yeah, sure.”

 

_Half an hour later, Ron found them at a table stacked with books: “Why are you both reading Muggle books?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else excited to find out how the connections between the Second World War and the war against Grindlewald are explored in the Fantastic Beasts-films? Or is it just me?
> 
> Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione  
> Next up: Competition


	4. Competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s this line in chapter 13 of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: ‘Chess was the only thing Hermione ever lost at, something Harry and Ron thought was very good for her.’ This line, and my brother’s own frustration at losing any game, inspired this story.

* * *

“Ok! I got an Acceptable for that Charms essay. All right! I was dreading this one. What did you get, Harry?”

“Exceeds Expectations. But only barely, I think.”

“All right, Harry! And you, Hermione? Outstanding, as usual?”

“You don’t need to make fun of it, Ron! You could get better marks too, if you tried a little harder!”

“No, thanks! I like to have a little fun in my life! Speaking of, anyone up for a game?”

“I would, but I really have to finish my History homework now, if I want to make Quidditch training tonight.”

“And I want to get to the library. Apparently, they have a new book on Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall was telling me about it this morning.”

“Was that when she was so happy that you knew about Untransfiguration? Or when you were the only one to successfully use Reparifarge?”

“Very funny, Ron. No, she and I were just talking after class. I think she appreciates students that take an interest in their schoolwork. And now, please, let Harry work. Professor Binns might not be the strictest professor, but you wouldn’t want Harry to fail his class, now would you?”

* * *

“Hey, Ron, hey Hermione.”

“Hey Harry, how was training?”

“Cold. And Oliver was being a slave driver, as usual. What are you two up to?”

“Oh, Harry, you’ve got to see this! Apparently, Muggles have a version of chess too, and Hermione already knew how to play that, so she wanted to give wizard’s chess a go. We’re on our fifth game now, and, get this, she…hasn’t…won…once!”

“Really? But…”

“Yeah, I know! It’s brilliant! Finally, something I can win at!”

“Not funny, Ronald.”

“Ooh, she’s using full names now! She must be really frustrated!”

“Never thought you’d be such a poor loser, Hermione!”

“Oh, stuff it, both of you! I’m still not convinced you aren’t cheating somehow, Ron. Maybe these chessmen have been enchanted are something…”

 

_After that the game came to an abrupt end, when Hermione’s borrowed chessmen turned against her in disgust at the accusation and her king tipped himself over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione  
> Next up: Red


	5. Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking the idea of ‘favourite colour’ to the next level. For some reason, though, I kept picturing Ron’s bright orange bedroom in the Burrow while writing this story.

* * *

“So, Harry, what’s your new house like?”

“It’s brilliant! Well… you might not think so, since it’s nothing as luxurious as yours, but it is my first house. Or, the first house I chose for myself. So, I think it’s great.”

“I’m sure it is. When are you moving in?”

“Oh, not for a few weeks, probably. Ginny wants to have at least the baby’s room done first, and there’s lots of other things that need work as well.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

“Oh, yeah, of course, you moved, what, last year? So, you obviously remember clearly. Did you find it all so… stressful too?”

“Stressful? Erm, no, not really. A lot of work, yeah, and I was really glad my mates came to help out on moving day. A lot of fuss, but stressful… nah, not that much.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, I find it pretty stressful. I mean, just the amount of _decisions_ that need to be made! Decisions on paint, on flooring, on furniture and budget… on stupid things like, like…  doorknobs! Endless options and choices! And then to make sure that Ginny and I are on the same page with these things. Did you really not find all that stressful?”

“Nah. The missus made most of the decisions, and I’ve learned not to argue. Usually we have the same taste in things, anyway. You and Ginny don’t?”

“Well… it’s not so much that we don’t agree on things, it’s more that we both struggle to make any choice whatsoever.”

“Really? That’s not the image I got from her. Or you. You both seem rather decisive to me.”

“True, neither of us are indecisive, per say. Not usually. But she has never had to decorate and furnish a house of her own, never had the opportunity to make these kinds of choices. Neither have I. So, we struggle.”

Oh. Yeah, I can imagine how that would be a problem…. sort of. Or… no, I really can’t imagine. I was allowed to make my own choices for decoration from a _very_ young age, you know that. But, erm, maybe I can help you out? Like, what decision do you struggle the most with, at the moment?”

“Paint colours, definitely! We’ve agreed on a colour for the baby’s room, finally, but when it comes to the other rooms…”

“Pick one, to start with. A room I mean.”

“Erm, ok, the, erm, the living room.”

“Ok, now think. What kind of colours do you generally like? Maybe, if you make a plan, Ginny will like your idea?”

 

_It turned out that, no, Ginny did not like the idea of a bright red sitting room._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry and Dudley (cookies for you if you guessed that one right!)  
> Next up: Tall


	6. Tall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s irony for you: the story called ‘tall’ is the shortest of them all 😉

* * *

“Sometimes I’m jealous of you, Ron.”

“Huh? What? Why?”

“Oh… erm, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“No mate, but seriously. Why? Because I can’t imagine.”

“No, never mind.”

“Come on, spill. Why would the famous Boy Who Lived, Gryffindor’s youngest Seeker ever, with tons of Galleons at Gringotts, who gets away with more stupid stuff than Fred and George could ever dream up…”

“What are you ranting about now, Ron?”

“Not my fault, Hermione. Harry here just blurts out he’s jealous of me, but he won’t tell me why!”

“Oh. Well, I might have an idea. Harry, is it because Ron can get around without being recognized?”

“No…”

“Hermione, that’s hardly anything to be jealous of! I bet he thinks it’s great to be famous!”

“That’s insensitive, Ron. Harry… it’s not because…erm, not because of Ron’s family, is it? Cause, I mean, I know the Weasleys consider us both family as well…”

“No! Well, a little, but no, yes, I know. It’s, erm… it’s not what I meant.”

“Then what, Harry?”

“No, really. It’s pretty stupid.”

“Aww, come on!”

“Oh well. Ok. It’s because… it’s because you’re, like, tall. You know! I’d really like to be a little taller.”

 

_Two hours later Ron was still laughing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brother is actually tall enough that he has to bend down a little to fit his chin to the top of my head...the frustration is real! 
> 
> Characters: Harry, Ron and Hermione  
> Next up: Collector


	7. Collector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story ran away from me, and seemed to collect more and more words :-p

* * *

“… and this is a rare one, Thaddeus Thurkell. I was really lucky to get him. Look, his story is on here: he had seven sons and each of them turned out to be a Squib. And then he turned them all into hedgehogs, he was that disgusted!”

“I know dad, you’ve already told that story. Like, about a gazillion times!”

“Well, excuse me for trying to entertain you ungrateful lot!”

“Come on, dad, she didn’t mean it like that. We do like to hear about your collection…”

“… better than about granddad Weasley’s Muggle stuff anyway…”

“… it’s just…. It’s just that we have heard some of the stories before.”

“… like, _all_ of them…”

“Shush, Rose! Ignore her, dad. It’s just… we’d like to hear something we haven’t heard before!”

“Hmh, demanding lot, you are! Something you haven’t heard before… well, I don’t know! Have I told you about the time there was a fight over the Falco Aesalon card, which Justin claimed to have?”

“Yes.”

“Or, when Malfoy and your mother got into a fi… erm, _discussion_ about whether cards of Giants, Goblins et cetera were ‘real’ chocolate frog cards…”

“Yeah, I remember mum having you redact that story.”

“Speaking of, did I tell you how your mum once wrote to Zonko’s to have them add cards of famous House Elves as well?”

“Yeah, you did. She did, as well. Quite a different story, as I remember.”

“Erm, well, yes. Oh, how about when Ernie claimed that the Bertie Bott cards all had different flavours, like the Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, and they got Neville to try it out?”

“Yeah, and they all tasted like cardboard. You’ve told that one.”

“Oh, erm, well, what about when I first met your uncle Harry, and he’d never seen a chocolate frog before?”

“Ye.. well, no, that’s a new story. What happened?”

“Well, as you know, we met on the Hogwarts Express, on our first day of school.”

“I thought it was on Platform 9¾?”

“Yeah, well, technically. But we first really talked on the train. And then, when the trolley lady came by, I had to help him with his money, cause until then he’d only seen Muggle money. And we might’ve gotten a little more sweets than usual…”

“… more like, a LOT more…”

“… hey, Harry! I was just telling the kids about your first encounter with chocolate frogs.”

“Yeah, I heard. Could you maybe not corrupt them with that one?”

“Aww, uncle Harry! We want to hear the story!”

“Nope.

“Oh, fine then. But you’ll have to tell us _some_ story now. How about… how about what you collected as a child!”

“What I collected?”

“Yeah, like dad collected his Frog cards, and Hugo here his miniature Quidditch players.”

“Oh… erm…. I don’t know. I didn’t really _collect_ anything when I was you age. Except maybe chores from my aunt…. oh… wait…I did start collecting something when I met your dad.”

“Chocolate frog cards?”

“No, well, yes, but that wasn’t the most important collection. I started collecting friends, and your dad was my first.”

“Awww, Harry! You’re getting sentimental in your old age!”

“That’s not a real collection, though, uncle Harry. It’s silly!”

“Is it? I don’t think it is half as silly as collecting, say, Pygmy Puff figurines. I mean, the real things are annoying enough, I just can’t see why you’d want to surround yourself with fake ones as well!”

“Dad! Oh, you’re _impossible_!”

“And there she goes, stomping away in a huff. Takes after her mother, that one!”

“I heard that!”

 

_Five seconds later, Ron and Harry could compare scowls._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll find some of the things my brother collects in chapters 9, 15 and 20 ;-)  
> Characters: Harry, Ron, Rose and Hugo  
> Next up: Curious


	8. Curious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one wrote itself, really. It started with an airplane and then took off. Excuse the pun 😉

* * *

“Daddy? What’s that?”

“That’s an airplane, Lily.”

“What’s an airplane?”

“It’s something Muggles use to fly.”

“Why don’t they just use brooms?”

“Because Muggle brooms aren’t magic and they can’t fly.”

“Oh. But Muggles do have brooms?”

“Yes, they do. They use them to sweep the floor.”

“Sweep?”

“Yes, to keep the floor clean. Here, I’ll show you.”

“Oh, that looks like fun! Can I try?”

“Sure. Here you go. Now, move the bristles back and forth. Look, you’re doing it.”

“Yay! All clean! I’m good at sweeping!”

“You sure are. Well done. Auntie Petunia would be proud of you.”

“Auntie Petunia is a Muggle, right?”

“Yes, she is.”

“Does she have a broom?”

“Yes, lots of them! She thinks a clean floor is about the most important thing in the world.”

“Does she know our brooms can fly?”

“Erm… you know, I don’t know if she does. She knows about magic, and I know she’s heard the word ‘Quidditch’ before, but I don’t know if the idea of flying on brooms actually landed with her. I’m sure though, if she knew, she’d think flying would be a terrible waste of a good broom.”

“Oh… Daddy? You had a broomstick for flying and Quidditch, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. I still do. And so does your mother. You’ve seen her fly, haven’t you?”

“Yes, but daddy? When you lived with Auntie Petunia, you had a broomstick?”

“Yeah, after I went to Hogwarts, I did.”

“Did Auntie Petunia ever use your broomstick to sweep the floor?”

 

_After this bombshell, Harry didn’t think any of his little girl’s questions could stump him anymore. Until she asked him, half an hour later, why it was that Muggles did have brooms, but didn’t have magic._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I've grown really fond of little Lily. If you like her too: she'll be back in chapter 20.
> 
> Characters: Harry and Lily  
> Next up: Game


	9. Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a way, this is the story that started them all, with me wondering about all the little things Harry needed to get used to in the wizarding world, and, vice versa, how wizards like Ron would react to typical Muggle things. So, that, and my brother’s love for games is the reason you’re reading this.

* * *

“… so, that’s the rules of Exploding Snap. Easy, right? I can’t believe you’ve never played it, Harry.”

“Muggles don’t have Exploding Snap, Ron. There _is_ a Snap game they play, but it doesn’t have the exploding part and I’m not sure of the rules are in any way similar. The Dursleys never played it, anyway.”

“No, I bet they didn’t. They’re not the type to have fun. But… there’s really such a thing as Muggle Snap? Are there any other games you know that Muggles have as well?”

“Erm… Muggles play chess, too, although their version is much less, erm… brutal. But other games… Dudley used to play games on his computer, but otherwise there weren’t that many games in the house. Hermione might know more.”

“She probably would, she always does. Hey, Hermione! Hermione, do you know any Muggle games?”

“What? Muggle games? What are you talking about?”

“You know, like Exploding Snap, or Wizards chess, but for Muggles. Harry says there’s loads, but the Muggles… I mean, the Dursleys, never played.”

“Well… I like to play Scrabble.”

“Hah! Of course you would. And I bet you’re one of those people that play with the dictionary on the table!”

“Dictionary?”

“Hush, guys, let me think. There’s, erm, Monopoly, and Trivial Pursuit, and… erm… like all kinds of card games, and Ludo, and…”

“And what are they like? Can we play them here?”

“Well… we’d have to make our own game pieces, and cards, but… probably. I don’t see why we couldn’t. Although, Trivial Pursuit would be difficult to make ourselves.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a quiz kind of game, with loads of cards with questions and answers on them. It’d take an age to make ourselves, and then we would already know the answers anyway.”

“Yeah, _you_ would. Your memory is freaky! Nah, I’ll pass on that, sounds like too much of a brainiac game for me. Anything else?”

“Well…. There is one game that would be suited to your, erm, no-brain requirement. And you’re just the type for it.”

“What is it?”

“Twister.”

 

_Ron’s long limbs proved exactly right for the task._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: most of my family are the type to play Scrabble that way, with dictionary on the table. Annoys the heck out of me ánd explains why I lose all the time...  
> Also, today I remember, who never tired of playing games with both of us, but who would not let us win on purpose.
> 
> Characters: Harry, Ron and Hermione  
> Next up: Gryffindor


	10. Gryffindor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last year we had my brother take the Sorting test on Pottermore. Apparently, he really is a Gryffindor.  
> We weren’t surprised in the least.

* * *

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you think you were sorted into Gryffindor?”

“Well… I knew I didn’t want Slytherin, even told the Sorting Hat so.”

“Yeah, I know. But why Gryffindor though? Why not Ravenclaw, of Hufflepuff?”

“Son, really. _Ravenclaw?_ Me? ‘Wit and learning’ don’t really describe me, now do they. And Hufflepuff, yeah, well, I maybe have some of their loyalty, but certainly not their patience! And I’m not really a hard worker. So, Gryffindor it is.”

“Oh, yeah, ok. I can see that. But why then wasn’t aunt Hermione sorted into Ravenclaw? I mean, she’s basically their ideal student!”

“You know, I’ve often wondered about that myself. I don’t know though, maybe the Sorting Hat felt that her bravery was a more important part of her personality than her cleverness? She thought so, at one time anyway. She once told me that she thought friendship and bravery were more important than books and cleverness.”

“Really? Aunt Hermione said that?”

“What did I say, James?”

“Oh, hey Hermione. James and I were wondering about the Sorting Hat and why it makes the decisions it does. Like, why you were sorted into Gryffindor, and not Ravenclaw.”

“… Aunt Hermione? Are you _blushing_?”

“Well…erm… it’s because… Remember, I was just eleven at the time, didn’t know anything…”

“I’m eleven!”

“Yes, that’s true. But… oh well, I was a pretty foolish eleven-year-old, I think. Pretty full of myself. And erm, I asked the Hat to not put me in Ravenclaw.”

“Really? Why? It seems that you would really fit in with the Ravenclaws!”

“Yeah, Hermione. I never knew, but I always wondered. You’d have been among like-minded students there, with peers who could actually keep up with you in an argument.”

“Yes, well, that was exactly the reason. I’m not proud of it, actually…”

“I don’t understand.”

“Oh, if you insist! Just…, don’t you make the same childish choices, James, when it’s your turn. I…erm, I asked the Sorting Hat to not put me in Ravenclaw because… because I _liked_ to stand out in class. To be the smartest in the room. So there, now you know.”

“… right… Well, now I know for sure why the Hat sorted you into Gryffindor. Cause if _that_ isn’t pure Gryffindor pride, I don’t know what is!”

 

_Hermione’s face made a good match for her Hogwarts house as well, at that point. It matched the house colour perfectly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made my brother a Gryffindor House scarf, which he should've received today. So he now can display his own house colours, without the need for embarrassement :-p
> 
> Characters: Harry, James and Hermione  
> Next up: Humour


	11. Humour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I’m not that funny. So, I borrowed the jokes in this story from the Internet...

* * *

“Did you know the one with the Muggle and the frog?”

“I do not. Please, do tell, brother.”

“Well, a Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head In, with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says: ’That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?’ And then the frog croaks…”

“’London. They’ve got millions of ‘em!’”

“So, you did know this one!”

“Yep. You’ve got to do better to surprise me.”

“Hey, Fred, George! What’re you guys doing?”

“Aha, an audience! Prepare to be amazed, little bro…”

“… we’re competing on the highest level here.”

“Competing? For what?”

“We’re trying to find out…”

“… for once and for all…”

“…which one of us tells the best jokes!”

“Jokes? I thought you were more into pranks!”

“We _are_ into pranks, obviously…”

“… but jokes are pretty much in the same family as pranks…”

“… so, we need to work on rounding out our skills.”

“Also, our dear mother _suggested_ …”

“… I’d go so far as _commanded_ us…”

“… that we lay off the pranks for a while…”

“… on the penalty of…”

“…hunger rations…”

“… disinheritance…”

“… never-ending chores…”

“… even threatening to hex our fingers. So, jokes it is.”

“Right. Well, I know an inn joke, too.”

“Did he say ‘inn-joke’? The boy has much to learn: puns are never, ever jokes!”

“Shh, let him go ahead. I’d like to see him embarrass himself.”

“Do you want to hear the joke, or not?”

“Not particularly...”

“… but since you’re our favourite little brother…”

“… we’re all ears.”

“Well, erm, here goes. A wizard walks into a pub and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says: ‘So, do I come here often?’.”

“That’s it? Well, ok, erm, _decent_ offering…”

“… had a punch line, a little tension…”

“… not to mention some attempt at wordplay…”

“… although very close to pun-territory…”

“… I’d give it a passing grade.”

“Aww, they grow up so fast!”

“Yeah? Well, you do a better job then!”

“Oooh, did you hear that, Gred?”

“Yes, Forge, a challenge!”

“We humbly accept, dear brother!”

 

_Three days later Mrs. Weasley could be heard yelling that ‘if she heard one more joke about Quidditch-players moving in a broom-mates’, she’d find another use for those brooms._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else would be in a story about humour? ;-P
> 
> Characters: Ron, Fred and George  
> Next up: Goalie


	12. Goalie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cause my brother is VERY intimidating in his goal keeper get-up!

* * *

“Dad?”

“Hm?”

“Is it true you used to play Muggle sports?”

“Huh? Muggle sports? Well, I guess… in school, when it was mandatory.”

“At Hogwarts?”

“No, before that. In, erm, St. Grogory’s, the Muggle school me and your uncle Dudley went to.”

“Oh. But you did play Muggle sports there?”

“Yeah, in class. Things like football, athletics, tennis… although field hockey was by far the most gratifying _and_ the most dangerous.”

“Field hockey? What’s that?”

“Erm, well, it’s a bit like Quidditch, but on the field, running. And there’s only one small ball, a little bigger than a Snitch, but twice as hard and it doesn’t fly. And nobody has brooms, but everyone has a sort of elongated Beater’s bat, which is the only way to legally play the ball. And you have to score not in a hoop, but in a goal. Oh, and there’s eleven players in a team, not seven.”

“So, not like Quidditch at all?”

“Ha! Very funny! They’re both team sports, at least. And, if played right, both games are very fast, with the little ball speeding across the field. I’d say you’d want to be in the path of that ball even less than you would want to receive a Bludger to the head!”

“Wow, that sounds dangerous!”

“It could be, and professional players are just as tough as professional Quidditch players. And they have little protection, no more than a Beater would have. Except the keeper, who gets a helmet and a little more padding. In our case though, the most danger came from playing Dudley’s team. They were ruthless!”

“So, would you try to be the keeper then? If you had to play against uncle Dudley?”

“Nah. I usually didn’t get the chance. Plus, I was good at running, lots of practice, so I usually played centre field somewhere. Your uncle was often goalkeeper, though.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“I think he liked that all the leg guards and stuff made him look more intimidating than he already was. And that he could yell at his teammates to tell ‘em what to do. I liked it when he played keeper, too, though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you see…all that protective gear? Made it that much harder for him to catch me.”

 

 _A few days later, Harry found James all wrapped up in layers of coats and trousers, frustratedly trying to catch his brother, who kept skipping_ just _out of reach._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry and Albus  
> Next up: Bon vivant


	13. Bon vivant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We sometimes call my brother a ‘Bourgondiër’, which literally means ‘person from Burgundy’, but has the added meaning (at least in Dutch) of ‘person who really enjoys the good life and especially good food’. The closest I could get in translation is bon vivant, but now you know what I mean by this title.

* * *

“Hey, Ron! Harry! Wait up! I have to get something from my dorm!”

“Come _on_ , Hermione! I want to get to the feast!”

“She’ll be back soon, Ron. What’s the hurry anyway? It’s hardly your first feast and they’re not starting for a while yet.”

“Yeah, but I heard they’re doing this ham with honey-glaze tonight and it’s supposed to be _really_ good! And then they’re serving chocolate mousse for dessert.”

“How would you know all that? Ron? Ron!”

“Hmh? Sorry, I was just daydreaming.”

“Drooling, you mean. But how do you know about the menu? Did they post it somewhere?”

“No. But it’s easy to find out. I asked the Fat Friar.”

“Hufflepuff’s ghost, the Fat Friar? Why would he know about menus? I thought ghosts didn’t eat?”

“They don’t. But apparently the good Friar was kind of a … what’s that word he used…oh, yeah, a _connoisseur_ of the good things in life. Food in particular. So, he likes to keep up with that, I guess. Anyway, he’s the only ghost still allowed in the kitchens, so he’s always informed.”

“Ok, I’m ready, let’s go. What were you talking about?”

“About how Ron now apparently is food buddies with the Fat Friar.”

“Food buddies?”

“Yeah, they share menus and recipes and all that. They’re best friends, really.”

“Not funny, Harry. It’s not like that! I just ask him about the menu sometimes. You know, when there’s a feast of something. Or on Sundays.”

“You see, Hermione? Total best friends.”

“Oh, stop it, Harry. The Fat Friar is really nice.”

“Not you too, Hermione!”

“No, really, he’s one of the nicest ghosts. Did you know he was executed because he kept healing people from the pox?”

“I heard it was because he kept transfiguring cups into rabbits during communion.”

“Oh, no, dear boy, I was always lousy at Transfiguration! No, my rabbit-trick was just that, a trick. A simple sleight of hand to amuse the children, and _never_ during Mass. Although I confess, I _did_ use a Communion cup once. Really displeased the abbot that time. Still, I think the rabbit-stew after made it worth it. Simply delicious. Speaking of, wasn’t there a feast you meant to go to, Mr Weasley?”

 

_Ron had never run so fast._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione and the Fat Friar  
> Next up: Googling


	14. Googling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if wizard magic and Muggle internet would work together. For this story, just assume that the younger generation have at least found a way to work around the difficulties.

* * *

“… and then Hermione shot off to the library again for hours, to try and find out more about them.”

“The library? Why did she not just google it?”

“Google?”

“Yeah, google. Don’t pretend you don’t know, dad. You’re not grandpa Weasley!”

“I know what google is, but why would you think…?”

“Because, wouldn’t it be _waaaay_ easier to use the computer than to go through a ton of books? I mean, sure for magical research the internet is pretty useless, but she was looking up Muggle gargoyles!”

“Erm, yeah… Well, at that point in time we didn’t have a computer. Or a tablet, or a phone. And the internet didn’t… well, maybe it did exist, but not in a way that the general public could use it. Most people wouldn’t know about it; _we_ certainly didn’t.”

“You’re kidding, right, dad…? Really, no internet?”

“No internet, James. Your dad is just that ancient. Ancient enough to have lived in a world where the world wide web didn’t just cough up the information you wanted. You know, those dark barbaric times when you had to dig up what you wanted from piles and piles of dank and dusty books.”

“Ooh, don’t let Hermione hear you call her favourite place ‘dank and dusty’, Harry! Her revenge will be ruthless! What were you talking about, anyway?”

“Oh, James was curious about the time Ron claimed to have been attacked by a gargoyle and Hermione went on a research spree to prove to him that Muggle gargoyles don’t actually move.”

“Oh, yes, I remember that! I couldn’t say who was more annoyed: Ron, because Hermione wouldn’t take him seriously, or Hermione because my brother wouldn’t help her research! I can’t recall who won the argument, though.”

“That’s just it. Apparently, they didn’t resolve it, and now the argument has resurfaced. With much the same result, I gather.”

“Yeah, Rose was telling me about it. Her parents are driving both her and Hugo up the walls with their bickering. Aunt Hermione is up to her ears in books and notes, and uncle Ron is muttering angrily all the time. But I still don’t understand why neither of them just googles it!”

“Force of habit, I think. But, hey, why don’t _you_ google it. I bet you could find the answer and spare your poor cousins some grief. I do feel for them. It’s not a good place to be stuck between those two if they’re having an argument!”

 

_It took James and google just two minutes to provide the hours. It took more than two hours to get both Ron and Hermione to accept the results._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry, James and Ginny  
> Next up: Boat


	15. Boat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, not only does my brother like boats (‘ships!’) in general, he’s also studying how they work. Like, with proper science-y calculations of floatability and stuff. Calculations that go waaaay above my head (if you couldn’t tell 😊) So, I’m guessing he’d be interested in how wizard boats (‘SHIPS!’) work as well.

* * *

“Too bad they’re going to be gone soon…”

“Why? You wanted to spend more time with your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my… And anyway, no, that’s not the reason.”

“Maybe, because you’re such good friends now with that Durmstrang-lot, you could sneak on board of that ship of theirs, get the grand tour?

“Now you’re just being childish, Ron. And a hypocrite. Don’t think I didn’t see you sneaking around the Beauxbatons carriage earlier!”

“Erm… no! Not, that… that wasn’t… I was, erm… going to visit Hagrid! Yes, that’s it, I was looking for Hagrid and just _happened_ to walk past the carriage.”

“Sure, of course. You were snooping, and if you saw Hagrid, he was probably there for the same reason. Although, no, Hagrid is actually more upfront about liking Madame Maxime now.”

“Hermione! That’s not… eww! And, and we were talking about _you_ , you and that Krum. Harry, help me out here, mate!”

“I wouldn’t have minded a tour of that ship. Or of that carriage either. Any type of wizard transport that doesn’t involve some kind of nauseating spinning and twisting and… well, _nausea_ sounds worth investigating to me! Although… with my luck, I’d probably get seasick on that ship…”

“You’re no help! I still think it’s good the whole lot’s clearing out soon.”

“Actually, Harry, that’s a good point. I had asked Victor about seasickness on their ship, and he said they’ve some kind of spell on it so that nobody gets sick. I wonder of you’d be able to use that spell on a Portkey. Or when travelling by Floo. I wish I’d asked him!”

“Oh, wow, that would be great, if that worked, Hermione. Now I would really like to be able to travel on that ship, just for a little bit. I bet you could see really cool thing travelling under water. Especially if you’re not getting soaked, or attacked by angry merpeople!”

“Oh, you’re hopeless, the both of you! I’m going to visit Hagrid!”

 

_Later that afternoon Ron was overheard wondering out loud if flying carriages could go as fast as flying cars…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry, Ron and Hermione  
> Next up: Glasses


	16. Glasses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty sure I’m not the first to wonder about Harry’s glasses. I do like the explanation Harry comes up with in this story. I couldn’t imagine my brother without his glasses either.

* * *

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you know why some wizards wear glasses?”

“Is that a joke? Have you been talking to your uncle George again?”

“No! Not a joke. I’m genuinely curious.”

Genuinely, huh. Well, you know why _I_ wear glasses: I’m blind as a bat without ‘em. So, I guess something like that would be the case for other wizards and witches, too.”

“Yeah, I know that glasses help with your eyesight.  But they’re really inconvenient, too, aren’t they? I mean, like fogging up, or falling off and stuff like that.”

“They can be inconvenient, yeah. Well, actually, Hermione once found a spell for making them impervious to rain, so she could probably find something to stop them fogging up as well. But I don’t really mind. I’m used to it anyway.”

“That’s just what I mean! If there’s a spell to keep your glasses dry, and I suppose a sticking charm could keep them on your nose, why wouldn’t you go a step further? Like, they have Skele-gro to regrow entire bones and stuff, so why wouldn’t there be something like that to repair your eyes?”

“You know, you’re not wrong. There probably is some potion or spell that could fix eyesight. But I’d never really thought about it, I guess.”

“And now? Would you go and get them fixed?”

“Hm, I don’t know. See, I’ve been wearing glasses pretty much all my life. It’d be weird to go without, I think. You know, when I was still living with the Dursleys, my glasses would often break and I’d have to tape them together all the time. So, one day, one of the Muggle kids asked me why I didn’t just get lenses. That’s the Muggle alternative to glasses, they’re, like, little plastic things you put on you eyeball that work about the same as glasses. The Dursleys of course said they were too expensive, but I was actually glad I’d get to keep my glasses.”

“Why?”

“Well, I wouldn’t feel myself without them, I guess.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And then, when I went to Hogwarts, I found another reason why I was glad to have kept them.”

“What reason?”

“I found out that your grandfather, my dad, had worn glasses too. I dunno, it made me feel a connection to him, or something. That something we had in common.”

 

_That evening, Albus went back and asked Harry if he thought that he, Albus, should start to wear glasses too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry's relationship with Albus in the Cursed Child made me quite sad. So I wanted to have a story in which they connected a bit more. And then that last sentence happened and now I'm sad again. Back to chapter 12, then, I guess.
> 
> Characters: Harry and Albus  
> Next up: Sweet


	17. Sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this story is actually applicable to my brother in all kinds of ways. I couldn’t help poking a bit of fun at him, though.

* * *

“Mom? Can I  have a chocolate frog?”

“No, Hugo, we’re having dinner soon.”

“But I’m hungry _now_!”

“You can have an apple if you’re that hungry.”

“Yuck. I don’t want an apple! I want a chocolate frog! Or a sugar quill!”

“Hugo Weasley, I do not like that tone of voice!”

“But _mom_ …”

“Hugo…”

“Oh, alright. But it’s not fair!”

“What is not fair about it?”

“Just… dad always gets a sweet when _he_ wants to. And het gets loads of sugar hexes and canary creams from uncle George’s! And we never get any!”

“Now you’re exaggerating. You know that’s not true. And you know, even your father does not get chocolate frogs just before dinner.”  
“But he does!”

“What’s that?”

“He did, just the other day! When you were at granddad and grandma’s house!”

“Did he now? Well, that’s no good. Your grandparents would certainly not approve.”

“Would grandma Weasley tell him off, then?”

“No. Although, she probably would, too. But I was talking about my parents, granddad and grandma Granger.”  
“Why? They’re your parents, not dad’s! Why would they tell him off?”

“Well, they did once before.”

“Really? But why?”

“You remember that your grandparents used to be dentists, right?”

“Yeah, but why…?”

“Well, when your father first visited me at my parents’ house, he pretended not to know about dentists, or even toothbrushes and toothpaste. He called the toothbrushes ‘mini-brooms’ and said he’d not seen one in his life. Your grandparents didn’t know him well enough to know he was joking, so they were very worried.”

“Worried? Why?”

“You see, your dad had just been talking about our first visit to Hogsmeade and all the sweets he’d gotten at Honeydukes. And you know that sugar is actually bad for your teeth, especially if you don’t clean them. So, with that in mind, my parents thought it was a miracle that your dad still had any teeth left!”

“Oh, yeah. But what did they do, then?”

“They sat your father down and had a very serious discussion about dental hygiene with him. And the next day they took him to their dental practice to do an exam. I remember he looked quite green when he came out.”

“Ha! We should definitely send granddad and grandma on him then! I’d like to see their faces when they find out about his emergency cauldron cake stash!”

“What emergency cauldron cake stash?”

 

_When Ron had himself a cauldron cake emergency a few days later, he found a ‘mini-broom’ in place of his stash. And a note, informing him a dentist appointment had been scheduled for Mr. R. Weasley for the next week._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Hermione and Hugo  
> Next up: Fantasy


	18. Fantasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s actually a couple of inside jokes in this one, about this festival that my brother, our friends and me have been going to for the last couple of years. Do any of you share similar experiences at festivals?

* * *

“I don’t believe it! I keep saying it: Muggles are crazy!”

“Oh, come on, Ron. They’re just having fun.”

“Fun! Did you see what they were doing?”

“It’s called sword fighting.”

“That’s not sword fighting! Those aren’t swords! That’s a bunch of grown up hitting the crap out of each other with sticks of plastic! Or foam!”

“Yes, of course. You wouldn’t like to get whacked in the head with a real metal sword, now would you?”

“No, of course not. Obviously. But why whack each other at all? Voluntarily?”

“They’re just playing, having fun. Like…erm, re-enacting, but with plastic.”

“Crazy is what it is. And did you see what they are wearing? I mean, that woman has fake butterfly wings on her back! And, there, that man is like… like half a goat! And half a dragon! Don’t they know there’s no such beast?”

“No, Ron, they don’t. They’re Muggles. And besides, you know perfectly well that all of this is just make-believe. These people are using their imagination and their creativity to become someone or something else for a day, acting out their fantasy. And why not? It’s harmless, and they’re all having fun.”

“Hrmph. Fine, but I still don’t understand why _we_ had to go.”

“Because Rose’s Muggle pen pal told her about it, they both really wanted to go, and they’re still too young to go by themselves. Now, lighten up and stop scowling. For your daughter’s sake. And who knows, you might even have some fun yourself.”

“Not likely. And am I supposed to pretend to be some weird creature, too?“

“You don’t have to, not everyone here is. Look, that guy just put a sign on his backpack saying ‘Elf in disguise’. And his friend is just wearing a shirt with that quote ‘Winter is coming’. Besides, don’t you think we’re already pretending? We’re playing Muggles today, remember? Now, if you could just pretend to be a more cheerful one…”

 

_Of course, Ron enjoyed the festival, so much so that he wanted to revisit it the next year. But only if he got to be a white walker._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual sign on the backpack said 'Elf in burger', which is funnier in Dutch, but means something like 'Elf in plainclothes'.  
> Characters: Ron and Hermione  
> Next up: Puzzle


	19. Puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I tell you already that my brother is wicked smart? Well, he is, kind of like Hermione. So, I figured that she, like my bro, wouldn’t be fazed with the kind of puzzles that stump us ordinary folk.

* * *

“Ron! Just the one I was looking for! Come here!”

“Erm, ok, why? I swear I cleaned my room this morning! Ish…”

“Cleaning? Oh, no, that’s not… I mean, you should. Of course, you should clean, especially if Molly… Say, you haven’t seen your mother around, have you?”

“No, but…”

“Good. Good, erm… Well. Good.”

“Dad? What’s going on?”

“Going on? Nothing! Nothing is going on. Why would there be something going on?”

“Dad, you’re acting shifty. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong! Well… no, nothing is _wrong_ necessarily, although… no, she won’t mind… I think… unless she finds out.”

“You’re not making sense! Just like Percy that time he got hit by that babbling curse. You’ve not been hit by a babbling curse, have you? Wait, I getting mum!”

“No! No, don’t erm… bother your mum.”

“Oh…wait, now I get it! You’ve been into the Muggle stuff again! What happened? Did some electricky thing shock you again?”

“No, no shocks. Or… well, no, I mean…. just come into the shed. But don’t tell….”

“… mum. Yeah, I’m getting that now. Hey, there’s loads more stuff here than last time! Didn’t you and mum agree that you couldn’t get any more unless you chucked some?”

“Erm… let’s not talk about that now. Here, come and see this.”

“What in the… What _is_ that?”

“I was hoping you would know.”

“Me? Why would I know? Dad, I’m no more a Muggle than you!”

“Yes, but you have some Muggle friends now.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m suddenly and expert on everything Muggle!”

“Oh. Oh, yes, I see your point. But… could you try to help me find out the purpose of this thing? Looks, there’s a few moving parts here, but then this side closes off, and there’s still clearly something inside…”

“Oh, yeah, I see. Maybe if you…? Here, move that, and then… hmh, that doesn’t work either.”

 

_A few years later, when Hermione visited the Burrow, she saw the little wooden brain teaser puzzle and solved it within minutes. She was completely baffled, however, by the question what the ‘purpose of the little machine’ was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Ron and Mr Weasley  
> Next up: Cats


	20. Cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the universe has an evil sense of irony. Like when it makes a person who’s very fond of cats, allergic to them. Or, when they use such ironic circumstances to inspire fanfic about cats and allergies that’s written for such ironically allergic cat-lovers.

* * *

“Professor? Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Miss Potter.”

“It’s, erm, a bit silly though.”

“If it’s about class, the only silly question is one you don’t ask.”

“It’s not. Not about class, I mean. Not really, anyway. Although it is about Transfiguration. Sort of.”

“What is it you want to ask?”

“Erm… ok. Professor, you know how you’re an Animagus? And you can Transfigure yourself into a cat?”

“Yes, I know. Obviously. And I know you know that. So, I _know_ that wasn’t your question.”

“Yes, I mean, no, I mean, it wasn’t. It’s just… I was wondering… when you are a cat…”

“…what is it like? That’s not such a silly question. And you’re hardly the first to ask it.”

“No, well, yes, I wondered about that too. Like, do you suddenly want to eat mice? Or, or play with wool? Or purr, like my aunt Hermione’s cat… But that’s not what I was asking. I just… well, our neighbour, at home, she is very allergic to cats, sneezes herself blue when she sees one. So, I was wondering, when you are a cat, can someone get allergic… erm… to you?”

“Oh. Right. Well… I don’t really know. I’ve never come across someone who’s allergic, I guess. Congratulations, Miss Potter, you’re actually the first student, the first person to ever ask me that.”

“I’m sorry…”

“No, that’s not necessary. It’s an interesting question.”

“Oh. Erm… so can I ask you something else?”

“Go ahead.”

“So… so would you know if someone who’s allergic to cats, would be allergic to you as you are now? Human, I mean.”

“Hm, that’s another excellent question. And another one that I don’t know the answer to. I have a question for you, though, Miss Potter.”

“To ask me to stop asking questions?”

“No! No, I’m a teacher first, I encourage questions, always.”

“Oh. Then, why’d I want to know all this?”  
“No, not that either. Although I’d be very interested to hear how you came upon this line of questioning. But no, I wanted to ask you if you’d already selected a subject for your upcoming Transfiguration essay.”

“Erm, no, I haven’t yet. But, why do you…”

“…ask?”

“Yes.”

“Well, because I think your question would make a good research subject for your essay. I, for one, would be very interested in your findings.”

 

_And so it came to be that Lily Potter went home for the holiday with, tucked away in het trunk, three long silver hairs and three short brown ones._

**  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Lily and professor McGonagall  
> Next up: Driving


	21. Driving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I’m a bit jealous of my brother’s driving skills. I don’t mind saying that I’m not the best driver in the world. So, if anyone could direct me to an enchanted Ford Anglia, I’d be very grateful 😉

* * *

“Mr Weasley? Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, Harry. What is it?”

“Well, I’m turning 19 soon and I wondered… I wanted to get some driving lessons. But I’m not sure… how do wizards get their driver’s license?”

“Driving license? What are you talking about?”

“Your driver’s license? That piece of paper you got after you passed your driver’s exam? That proves that you are, well, _permitted_ to drive a car on your own?”

“I’ve never heard of that, I’m afraid. You need a permit to drive a car?”

“Well… yes. You have to prove you can do it first, that you’re responsible enough… Just like you need the license to Apparate.”

“Oh. I did not know that.”

“Yeah, erm… Well, like with apparating, you have to have driving lessons first, and then you have to pass the driving test to prove that you are a good enough driver to go out on your own.”

“That’s interesting. So, you say all Muggles get these drivy licenses?”

“Yeah, well, most of them do. If you want to drive you kind of have to, if you don’t want to get fined.”

“I’ve heard of these fines. They’re pretty common, I gathered.”

“Erm, maybe, yeah. But, Mr Weasley? If you didn’t get a driver’s license… where did you learn to drive?”

“On the roads around the Burrow, mostly. I didn’t think it was _that_ difficult, though, especially after I had the enchantments figured out.  Then it was just a matter of pressing on those little steps…”  
“The pedals?”

“Yeah, on those. Just step on them pedals, and turn the wheel a bit and you’re on your way.”

“Wow…”

“Well, you know that with that old car, there was some spell work involved. Little things, you know, like the Invisibility Booster and some other charms to make it invulnerable. Oh, and of course I repaired the spell that made it fly. Cause let me tell you, that car was rubbish at flying before I got to it.”

“Oh, erm, right. Well, erm, thanks Mr. Weasley, that was really, erm, _informative_.”

“Glad to help. And of course, you can always come to me for driving advice.”

 

 _At least now, Harry could understand much better why the Knight Bus drove the way it did._   **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry and Mr. Weasley  
> Next up: Cook


	22. Cook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the great thing of having a cook in the family, is that even if you don’t know anything about cooking, you can still enjoy the results.

* * *

“That was delicious, Ginny dear.”

“Wasn’t me, mum. You’ve got Harry to thank for this one.”

“Harry cooks? Never thought I’d meet a boy who knows his way around a kitchen. Merlin knows your brothers don’t! Do you think he’d share the recipe of this casserole with me? Why are you laughing?”

“Sorry. I’m sure he’d share his recipe if you asked. It’s just… just wait until you find out how he made it.”

“What do you mean, ‘how he made it’?”

“Nah, I won’t spoil it. You’ll have to ask him.”

“Are you ladies alright? “

“Ah, there he is. Yeah, we’re fine. Harry, mum wants to ask you about your casserole.”

“Yeah? Oh, erm, sure.”

“Yes, Harry, it was quite delicious. Thank you for the lovely meal. Ginny told me you’d cooked it?”

“Yeah, well, she wasn’t feeling great this morning, so I thought I’d offer.”

“Would you share your recipe with me?”

“Sure, if you like.”

“And, erm, Ginny said to ask you, erm, _how_ you made it?”

“How…?”

“Yes. Apparently, there’s something special about it? I don’t quite understand, and she wouldn’t explain.”

“Something special… I can’t imagine what she meant.”

“Maybe we’ll find out if we go through the recipe?”

“Well, erm, first you have to slice all the vegetables and the potatoes, then put them in a dish and add the spices over top. Then you’d pour the stock over it, and boil the lot. Then the chicken and the chickpeas go on top of that, and then it just needs to be cooked a little more. That’s it, I think.”

“Sounds normal. Maybe the something special that Ginny talked about is in the spell work you used?”

“Spell work?”

“Yes. For example, what charm did you use for the chopping of the potatoes?”

“Charm…? Oh. I, erm, didn’t. Use any charms, I mean.”

 

 _Hours later Ginny still burst into first of giggles when she remembered the look on her mother’s face._   **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit (June 9th): Did I tell you my brother is amazing? He liked the stories (up until the 9th at least) enough that he made me chocolates! Owl-shaped chocolates! And they are delicious! Thanks bro!
> 
> Characters: Harry, Ginny and Mrs. Weasley  
> Next up: Book


	23. Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another ‘what if…’. We haven’t seen many of the characters read fiction, other than the Tales of Beedle the Bard. So, I thought, what if someone brought a Muggle children’s book to Hogwarts…?

* * *

“Hey, Harry! I thought you were done with your homework?”

“Hm? Yeah, I am. I’m just reading.”

“Just reading? Don’t tell me you’re turning into another Hermione! Reading ‘Hogwarts, a History’ for fun!”

“No! No, this is just a story.”

“Like Babbity Rabbity?”

“Like… what?”

“You know, Babbity Rabbity, the fairy tale? Like, the stories for little kids?”

“I’ve never heard of that one. Must be a wizard story.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess. But, then what are you reading?”

“Well, this is, erm, not a wizard story, although there’s some magic in it. It’s something Muggle children read. In fact, we read it in school.”  
“What’s it called?”

“The BFG. Stand for, erm, Big Friendly Giant.”

“Big I’ll believe, but Friendly? Unless he’s like Hagrid.”

“Yeah, well, sort of. And it’s make believe of course. The BFG in the book speaks a bit funny, like when he tells this little girl, Sophie, about eating snozzcumbers and drinking frobscottle, which makes ‘em fly. And then they have to protect Sophie from the other giants who want to eats her like all the other ‘human beans’.”

“That… doesn’t quite sound like giants. And what the heck is a snozzcumber?”

“Beats me. But I told you, it’s all make believe. Muggles don’t even really believe that giants exist, anyway. Which is why the ones in this story have names like Bloodbottler and Fleshlumpeater.”

“I don’t know, those names seem kinda appropriate. Better than BFG anyway.”

“Yeah. But when have you ever heard of a giant who could understand words of more than one syllable?”

 

_A few days later, Hermione was very surprised to hear Ron say that “two rights don’t equal a left”._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or course you all recognize ‘The BFG’ as the brilliant book by Roald Dahl. The Dutch translator, like all other translators of this book I’m sure, had a difficult time with finding alternatives for the BFG’s interesting vocabulary. She chose a wonderful one for ‘human bean’: in Dutch the GVR (Grote Vriendelijke Reus) calls us ‘mensbaksels’. 
> 
> Characters: Harry and Ron  
> Next up: Fair


	24. Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The word ‘fair’, again, applies to my bro in more than one way. But this seemed the most fun.

* * *

“I think this might be the most Muggle thing you’ve made us do, Hermione. No, scratch that, it’s _definitely_ the girliest, most Muggle thing ever.”

“Come off it, Ron. We went to the Butterbeer Museum yesterday cause you liked it so much.”

“Yeah, and the day before, we did the miniature golf course, _twice_! So, you can suck it up and come to the fair with us today.”

“You don’t hear Harry complaining, now do you?”

“I wouldn’t dare, not in this company! Come on, Ron, it won’t be too bad. There’s usually food at these kinds of fairs. You like food, just occupy yourself with that!”

“Hhrmph, I see how it is. You’re all conspiring against me! Stop laughing, Harry!”

“Come on, you guys, here’s the first booth. Oh, look! They’ve got some lovely candlesticks!”

“Look at this one, Ginny. It has little horses ‘round the base.”

“Oh, that’s adorable, we should get some of these, Harry!”

“Sure. But don’t you want to go ‘round all the booths first? See what else is there, before you get anything?”

“Oh, yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“You’ve clearly done this before, mate.”

“Yep. And that’s what Ginny told me to tell her the next time. “

“Hey, where’d they go now?”

“Oh, they’re over there. Looking at old books, it seems.”

“Ugh, yeah.”

“Well, it’s Hermione, of course she would. But we can find something else to look at. Look, there’s a booth over there with old garden statues.”

“Where?”

“Over there, next to the stand with the tools, and behind the one with the old furniture.”

“Oh, yeah, I see it. Let’s go check that out, then. Hey, that statue looks just like Errol. Do you remember him? And that one reminds me of professor McGonagall, you know, when she’s a cat? Oh, and look at that booth, what do you think those are?”

“Ship models, looks like.”

“Oh, and there! Look, Harry, there’s someone actually making little stained-glass windows! That’s so cool!”

 

_Four hours later, they had to physically drag Ron away from the fair._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione  
> Next up: Fan


	25. Fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I learned so much writing this story. For example, that since wizards don’t have television, they listen to Quidditch games on the radio. Also, that in 1998 and 1999, J.K. Rowling wrote several Daily Prophet newsletters, that are basically mini-newspapers. You can read the synopses here. Obviously, I couldn’t resist having this gem of a game for this story.

* * *

“Wow, Harry, I can’t believe you’ve never listened to a Quidditch game before!”

“Well, it’s not like the Dursleys would get me a radio, never mind letting me listen to a ‘freak-sport’.”

“Your aunt and uncle know about Quidditch?”

“No, not really. But ‘freak-sport’ is what they’d call it if they did.”

“Right… Muggles are so weird.”

“Yeah. Harry, we could always come kidnap you again the next time you crave some of the noble sport...”

“… although we’d never come bother you for a Chudley Cannons game…”

“…they’re a disgrace …”

“… an insult to the noble sport…”

“Will you lot shut up already! They’re starting!”

“…but for some unfathomable reason, Ronnie here is madly in love with them.”

“Am not!”

“We think it’s because his hair is the exact colour of their robes…”

“We have the same hair colour!”

“… but he forgets that both his hair and the robes clash with his blushing…”

“Shut up! Just because _you_ don’t understand loyalty to a team…”

“You’re right, we don’t understand…”

“… how anyone could be loyal to a team that never wins.”

“Speaking of winning, what’s the score now?”

“I thought they said 90 to none.”

“In favour of the Arrows, obviously.”

“Do the Cannons even _have_ a Keeper? Cause it sure seems like they don’t.”

They do have a Seeker, apparently, Galvin Gudgeon…”

“… who just failed to catch the Snitch, despite it flying right in front of his face.”

“Hitting his nose, is what I heard.”

“Take note, Harry, this is how it’s _not_ done.”

“Oh, aaaand the Arrows score again!”

“Can’t you guys be quiet for _one_ minute?”

“Why? It’s not like you’re missing any of the Cannons’ _riveting_ play?”

“Besides, I’m sure that Harry’d rather listen to out lively commentary, don’t you Harry? Oh, here’s Gudgeon failing with the Snitch _again_.”

“And another goal for the Arrows. I wonder if they’ll get a new record for highest score… oh no, it’s all over. The Arrows’ Seeker caught the Snitch.”

“Ouch, 350-nil, and they’re even more firmly on the bottom of the chart. I’d hate to be the Cannons’ manager right now!”

 

 _Later, the Daily Prophet quoted manager Ragmar Dorkins talking about Gudgeon, that ‘turning him into a toad will not help his game’. Harry, wisely, did not show Ron._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little fun fact: I wrote this story while my bro was watching his favourite team. They did win, by the way.
> 
> Characters: Harry, Ron, Fred and George  
> Next up: Teach


	26. Teach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This title might be the one word my brother will be surprised I think describes him. And as far as I know, he has no aspirations to become a teacher. But still, he can be very patient explaining difficult concepts (like, anything related to Physics). And he does love to share his knowledge.

* * *

“Hey, Neville! Oh, sorry, professor Longbottom, I mean. How are you? Ready for another schoolyear?”

“Hey, Harry! Don’t call me professor, please, not you. But yeah, I’m doing ok. How ‘bout you? It’s Lily’s first year at Hogwarts this year, right?”

“Sure is, we haven’t heard anything but her counting down the days these last weeks. She was especially enthusiastic about getting into your class, so you might get the first Potter who’s any good at Herbology soon.”

“Don’t say that. You were never that bad, and your boys aren’t bad either. You’re all just not that interested in it. Which is ok.”

“You’re right about lack of interest, sorry Neville. I really do admire your knowledge in your field, not to mention your patience with unruly students.”

“Ha! Is that what your boys told you? I’m not actually known for my patience when it comes to students behaving badly. I won’t tolerate anything that’ll harm the plants or would put other students in danger.”

“Of course!”

“But, I suppose, when it comes to actually teaching, explaining to my students, showing them the work I love… yeah, I guess I can be patient then.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Funny, I’d have never thought you’d become a teacher when we were at Hogwarts.”

“Because I’m not all that intelligent, and didn’t get good grades?”

“No! Not at all, and that’s not true. Just… you often seemed miserable in class, even if it wasn’t Potions. And even with professor Sprout, you never really seemed… eager. I mean, you were hardly jumping up and down to share your knowledge.”

“Ha! That would’ve been such a Hermione thing to do! She often did, actually, beat me to the punch. But yeah, there weren’t many teachers that would’ve inspired me to teach. Did you know what changed that?”

“No?”

“You, actually. Do you remember our practice sessions with the DA? When I was having trouble with Disarming, you were patient with me, never gave up on me. That was a first. You took me seriously, you know, did not make me think I was stupid for not getting it in the first try. Or the hundredth. And that made all the difference, gave me the confidence I could do it, you know? That’s what inspired me to teach. That’s the kind of teacher I try to be now.”

 

 _It had been a long time since Harry had been_ this _unsure about how to react._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry and Neville  
> Next up: Wood


	27. Wood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This title might be the one word my brother will be surprised I think describes him. And as far as I know, he has no aspirations to become a teacher. But still, he can be very patient explaining difficult concepts (like, anything related to Physics). And he does love to share his knowledge.

* * *

“Hey, Neville! Oh, sorry, professor Longbottom, I mean. How are you? Ready for another schoolyear?”

“Hey, Harry! Don’t call me professor, please, not you. But yeah, I’m doing ok. How ‘bout you? It’s Lily’s first year at Hogwarts this year, right?”

“Sure is, we haven’t heard anything but her counting down the days these last weeks. She was especially enthusiastic about getting into your class, so you might get the first Potter who’s any good at Herbology soon.”

“Don’t say that. You were never that bad, and your boys aren’t bad either. You’re all just not that interested in it. Which is ok.”

“You’re right about lack of interest, sorry Neville. I really do admire your knowledge in your field, not to mention your patience with unruly students.”

“Ha! Is that what your boys told you? I’m not actually known for my patience when it comes to students behaving badly. I won’t tolerate anything that’ll harm the plants or would put other students in danger.”

“Of course!”

“But, I suppose, when it comes to actually teaching, explaining to my students, showing them the work I love… yeah, I guess I can be patient then.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Funny, I’d have never thought you’d become a teacher when we were at Hogwarts.”

“Because I’m not all that intelligent, and didn’t get good grades?”

“No! Not at all, and that’s not true. Just… you often seemed miserable in class, even if it wasn’t Potions. And even with professor Sprout, you never really seemed… eager. I mean, you were hardly jumping up and down to share your knowledge.”

“Ha! That would’ve been such a Hermione thing to do! She often did, actually, beat me to the punch. But yeah, there weren’t many teachers that would’ve inspired me to teach. Did you know what changed that?”

“No?”

“You, actually. Do you remember our practice sessions with the DA? When I was having trouble with Disarming, you were patient with me, never gave up on me. That was a first. You took me seriously, you know, did not make me think I was stupid for not getting it in the first try. Or the hundredth. And that made all the difference, gave me the confidence I could do it, you know? That’s what inspired me to teach. That’s the kind of teacher I try to be now.”

 

_It had been a long time since Harry had been_ this _unsure about how to react._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Harry and Neville  
> Next up: Memory


	28. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, this was a tough one! There were plenty of ideas for it, but none of them came out right. Fortunately, Lily saved the day again.

* * *

“That is a very deep sigh, Ms Potter.”

“Huh? Oh! Professor, I didn’t hear you!”

“You don’t have to call me professor now, Lily, we’re not in school now. Speaking of, why are you studying? I wouldn’t have expected you to do your homework in the first week of the summer.”

“No, it’s not homework.”

“Then what? Don’t tell me your dad set you assignments, or anything. You got good marks on all your exams, I believe, so him setting you extra work would be completely unnecessary.”

“No! Of course, dad didn’t… oh, wait, you’re kidding me, aren’t you?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. But I am really curious about what it is you’re doing that makes you sigh so much.”

“Erm, ok… I’m looking for ways to improve my memory.”

“Your memory? Why?”

“Well, we’re having a competition next week, a quiz at aunt Hermione’s house, and I want to be able to remember as much as I can.”   

“I see. Well, what have you found so far?”

“Well… there’s things like Memory Potions, but they seem a bit dodgy. And difficult, I mean, where would I get a Jobberknoll feather? And obviously I can’t do any Memory spells either, with the Restriction of the under… I can’t remember the name, but you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do. But, have you tried other methods of improving your memory?”

“What do you mean? A Pensieve of something?”

“No, nothing like a Pensieve. Something simple. Your aunt Hermione actually taught me, when we were at school.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You see, I was very bad then at studying and remembering all I studied. I forgot most of what I read the moment after I read it. And I forgot lots of other things as well, if I’m honest. It got so bad that I never could remember where I’d put the Remembrall that my grandmother sent me.”

“Oh wow. Although I don’t think a Remembrall would’ve helped with studying.”

“No, you’re right, it wouldn’t. And didn’t. But then your aunt taught me some tricks to help me remember stuff better.”

“What tricks?”

“Well, let’s see if I remember… sorry, I’m kidding. She told me that not everyone remembers things the same way. Some people remember things better when they read about them, others remember things they hear or see. And most people remember things better when they connect them with other things. That could be sounds, or smells, or connections with things they’ve already learned before. So, if for example, you’d want to remember all the ingredients for a Memory Potions, you could picture them together on a shelf in a shop. Or if you want to remember all the ways you could use a Jobberknoll feather, you could make a little song about them.”

“Oh, I get it. Like, if you’d want to remember a list of all the Hogwarts ghosts, you would remember them with the place in school where you’d first met them.”

“Yeah, something like that. But, why are you talking about ghosts all of a sudden?”

“Oh, they’re in the book. Aunt Hermione made all the quiz questions, and she lent me her copy of ‘Hogwarts: A History’ to prepare.”

 

 _Neville later found out that the reason Lily’d been so adamant to remember all the facts in the book, was that her uncle had bribed her to study instead of him, because he couldn’t ‘bear the sight of the bloody book’._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept imagining Hermione planning this little quiz as a way to get Harry and Ron to finally read ‘Hogwarts: A History’. But, since J.K. Rowling has said they never will, I had to find a way around it 😉
> 
> Characters: Neville and Lily  
> Next up: Chainmail


	29. Chainmail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time coming up with an idea for the word ‘chainmail’. But when I finally did, it turned out to be one of my favourite little conversations.  
> For those who like playing the ‘who’s talking?’-game, I wish you good luck with this one…

* * *

“Hm? Oh! Huh? Hwhat…?”

“I said, good morning, sir knight. Sorry to have startled you.”

“Hm? No, no never mind, dear lady. I wasn’t sleeping… I mean… I’m never startled, I’m always vigilant! Always protecting the school from scoundrels and blaggards and, and… _rogues_!

“That must be exhausting. But what a noble endeavour, good sir.”

“It is, it is, thank you kind lady. Now, if only this blasted horse would cooperate…”

“Maybe the Nargles got to it? Has he been standing under that tree long?”

“Nargles? I don’t know these creatures.”

“Oh, they’re not very dangerous. Just mischievous. They live in mistletoe and they like to take things.”

“Take things? Thievery! I must put a stop to this!”

It’s alright, really. The things they take are usually returned after a while. Now, if you’re looking for a quest, may I suggest looking for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack? “

“Snorkacks? And these _are_ dangerous beasts?”

“Possibly, yes, but we don’t know very much about them, yet. They are very hard to find, you see.”

“Elusive, possibly dangerous creatures! That sounds like a worthy quest!”

“It is. My father and I went looking this summer, but we couldn’t find them, unfortunately.”

“So, you’ve been on this quest already, dear lady! You are surely as brave as you are fair! Could I ask you to don your chainmail and join me in this quest, as my sword maiden?”

 “I would love to, but that would likely make me late for Divination. Also, I don’t have any chainmail.”

“That’s a pity. Although, I could possibly find you some mail…”

“Would this afternoon be alright? I don’t have any classes then.”

“Magnificent! You go to your Divination, dear lady, and I’ll procure you some mail before noon arrives. Never fear! We’ll complete this quest together!”

 

_Several complaints were heard from the castle’s portraits that morning about a ‘fool knight’ clattering through, dragging Damara Dodderidge’s chainmail on his reluctant pony._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Luna and Sir Cadogan (did you get that one? Kudos to you if you did!)  
> Next up: Navigation


	30. Navigation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, it’s number 30! The last one in the set! Fortunately, I plan on my brother reaching at least a hundred, which would leave me plenty of time to come up with new conversations…

* * *

“Ugh, I hate maps!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Dad made me plan the route _again_. And I… just… can’t… _do_ it!”

“Come on, dear, it can’t _that_ bad.”

“No, mum, I _can’t_. It’s stupid, anyway. Who needs a map when there’s navigation spells and, heck, even SATNAV’s!”

“Don’t swear. And maps are pretty useful, still. It’s important to your dad that you know how to find your own way, even when you don’t have a SATNAV and at times when you can’t use magic.”

“That’s just it, he’s making me do all of this without any magic! I’m not even allowed to use a Broom compass! And he’s been on my ass ever since I came home this summer! It’s not fair!”

“Language, James! All summer, huh… Remind me, next year will be your third at Hogwarts, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“And you’ll be going on visits to Hogsmeade?”

“Yeah, I will. If he ever signs the stupid permission slip, which he _still_ … hasn’t… done!”

“Ah.”

“What?”

“Nothing. I think I might have an idea of the game your dad’s playing, that’s all.”

“What game?”

“No, that’ll be for him to tell you. Tell you what, I’ll help you figure out this map business, even teach you a little spell I think your aunt Hermione made up one day, _if…_ if you promise to try your best _and_ that you will use whatever your father gives you _responsibly_.”

“What he’ll give me…? That makes no sense!”

“It will, trust me. Do you promise?”

“Yeah, ok. I promise.”

“Really, James, _responsibly_!”

“Yeah, yeah, I just promised, alright?”

“Good boy. Now, tell me about this assignment your father set you.”

 

_Needless to say, James never again thought maps were stupid after his dad gave him the Marauders’ Map. Although he did resent his promise to his mother, just a little._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Ginny and James  
> Next up: who knows....

**Author's Note:**

> Characters: Ron and Ginny  
> Next up: DIY


End file.
